The Search for Useful Applications of Psychokinesis
Entry for 2017-05-11

Excerpted from Minutes from NOPE (filed under "Articles")
A discouragingly small percentage of sensitives even claim to do anything useful to society. One woman has been turning salt into sugar but reports that she can't turn sand into sugar no matter how hard she tries. She has, however, used psychokinesis to remove stains from furniture fabrics.
We were enthusiastic about the milkman in Baltimore who can cause fog to lift, but we called him, and it turns out he can lift it only a couple of inches. What is even more disheartening is the number of psychics who can't seem to cause anything but mischief. One makes milk curdle and peels bark from trees, another grows feathers on fish, and still others make pens leak or underwear shrink, or they shatter stained-glass windows, set carbon paper on fire, blow fuses, straighten pretzels, and make paint slide down from the walls. We can't wait to meet the lady in Erie, Pennsylvania, whose only claim to psychic powers is that she can make the librarian blink, or the one who makes sparks jump from the nose of her cocker spaniel.
But the search continues. The mind is a wonderful mechanism, and we're not going to rest until someone discovers a practical use for it.